Are You Real

GodThere came a time in my life where, though I was raised in a religious family, the impact of real truth outside any other thought that had ever been absorbed by me became a charged focus so powerfully real that anything that lay before me lost meaning in comparison to the need for real knowledge.

I had hit a crossroads in life and though I had often entertained scientific principles and religious understandings, none of them had any real meaning to me upon the subject I was at present embarking on.

I existed…  Somehow I was real…  More than just a creation of my own thoughts…  The simple fact that I had even those very thoughts shed light on the simple truth that I was.

Though I WAS, though I EXISTED, that was not enough to comfort my highly investigative mind.  I was!  and that alone begged some serious questions.  All through my childhood I often returned to this little haunting thought… “What if I never was?  What if I never existed?  How would I perceive this life?  What a silly question that was because if I never existed, I would not even be thinking, so perception would not be in the equation and how would the world move forward minus one individual soul?  Would the absence of just one cause an imbalance or is it possible that the Universe already is balanced and has already had the event of many who might have existed, not existing?

The real question was far more important than my own existence…  The real question was…  If I exist and others do as well and there are many forms in my experience of life spread across this planet, galaxy, Universe…  Then, all things had to have come from somewhere or something.

I had two choices as I could see it…  Blindly follow religion or embrace science and the postulations of how it all came to be.  Through these very choices before me I eventually chose the possibility that it was indeed all here but the simple fact that a God remains ethereally hidden and science seemed so obviously right before all who searched it’s caverns to discover truth, that the safest most logical belief rested in the hands of science and Atheism.

The unrest of embracing such a belief system left such an empty meaningless conclusion to life and the energy inside of me could not withstand such internal pressure without at least verifying my position.

Alas I knew there was a challenge that could solve my dilemma and it seemed all so simple…  Convince God if one really existed to tell me the answers.  This was almost a cut and dried experiment as I was pretty sure the outcome would swing in my favor because there was no God and there would be no answer from him and I would easily be taken off the hook in making a final decision between to complete opposite belief systems.

I found myself one day without any company and the possibility of being alone for hours.  It was at this time that the desire to reach a conclusion was so strong that I dropped to my knees in what would be the most heartfelt and piercing prayer my lips would ever utter.

A scripture came to mind though I was sure it was from some ancient writer scribbling down a phrase during a time that spiritualists attempted to control others through soothing words claiming to be from some all powerful God… Yet, this scripture would not leave my mind…  Why?  I didn’t need more blind religion.  I was prepared to throw all of that weak minded thinking away…  Yet the thought so strongly persisted that it placed my mind in a none biased position concerning the question at hand.  And so I rehearsed it once in my mind as I prepared to prove that God did not exist.

James 1:5   5. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.  But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

I remembered some other person claiming to have seen God after being touched by this scripture…  that story I did not believe.  I knew my mind was considerably more logical and able to thwart off simple mind swayings of a person desiring something so bad that they make up their own truth and eventually believe their own lie so much that they begin to sway others into the mindless and with out fact beliefs.

This scripture seemed to be so in my face, that I carefully paid attention to one phrase in particular  “let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.”

If there was one thing I was sure of as egotistical as it may have seemed, I felt my mind was strong enough and clear of thought and controlled that I could indeed achieve this level of faith.  What a paradox, right?  To have complete faith and at the same time not believe that God existed?  But, that is exactly the state of mind I was in though it seemed impossible and yet I was there.

I began to speak aloud into the afternoon air while kneeling and looking upward with my eyes closed.  The room was completely silent and there were no distractions whatsoever.  Just me and the silence which was broken with the utterance of my words being spoken aloud.

I began with…  “I am speaking to a God if there is one…  I am speaking to the air if there is not a God… Either way I have taken upon me a very important moment in time where my crossroads will be solidified and I will be free of one thought or another…  Free to continue the rest of my life without distractions of a conflict from within.”  I continued and turned my attention to the pure principle of REAL FAITH, NOTHING WAVERING… and I with all the intent that anyone could ever bring forth from the highest energy they posses, I began to utter the phrase…  “God… If you truly exist, If you are actually out there somewhere, whatever you are, if you are…  I am in so deep a turmoil of passion in beliefs that you must understand, if you are there and you have any kind of plan for my future, now is the time for you to break the silence and let me know in some way that you do exist, otherwise I am walking away forever from the very concept of you.  I will never return or look back and at this point my mind is already made up…  But before I erase you from my mind, I have never actually asked you personally if you are real and if you exist.  I know I can hold the thought of faith…  nothing wavering…  and that is what I am doing right now and if you are truly real, I know you will indeed make yourself known…  This I know, for if you do exist then the scripture is real as well and it testifies of how one might receive the answer and it is very clear on that point and now it is time for this scripture to reveal the truth or the lie of it’s words.”

I continued in prayer speaking aloud for more than an hour and the words which I spake are personal and sacred to me and are too many to write here, nevertheless, I can share the conclusion of my experience at that time at the final words spoken from my prayer.

During my pleading for God to make himself known, an amazing thing happened to one such as myself so prepared to extinguish God from my heart and mind…  Though I was prepared to receive an answer if God did exist and would not be shocked if such an event occurred, for I did come with pure faith.  I had expected possibly a voice or a visual manifestation of a touch or some other experience involving one of my senses if there indeed was a God, yet I still felt my answer would be silence and yet…

It was not…

Something so foreign to me at that moment of connection.  It so happened that I was unprepared for the higher communication showered upon me.  words cannot define, describe or explain what occurred next as it was a completely different experience than I had ever had in my entire life.  It was as though information that every sense I had from visual to hearing to taste to feel and smell was triggered with an energy that went above and beyond the capabilities of those senses.

I wish I could convey to you such an experience but there are no words to pen that would suffice and assist in bringing this experience to life as it was above and beyond anything I know in communication.  I can only attempt to paint in crude words the real unexplainable event.

As I was uttering my plea for the unhiding of a God I was not sure existed and midstream of my words, it happened…

Unless you have experienced such a thing yourself, my description would be similar to attempting to explain to an Earthworm what Sunlight looked like had he never seen it.

I was wrapped in what I could only describe as light, yet the visual experience was not there but the overwhelming love was more than I had ever felt… ever.

As soon as this energy filled me, I had conveyed to me, a most loving interaction of thought and emotion which indeed communicated to me.  I received this message if you will as I have no other words to describe it.

“I am your Father, I have always loved you and I will never leave you…  I have always been and will always be…  I AM…”

I have no words to offer.  My heart had completely been changed in a matter of seconds.  The emotion was so great that I could not stop the tears…  I did have the Father connect with me and my faith was unwavering as I was so desperate not to let it waver…  I needed to know and God knew that as well.  I connected with my creator, I experienced how he communicates and it is so beyond what we use when communicating with each other…  It was light and life itself and the love was immeasurable and I was so at peace and felt harmony flow through me.  I was not insignificant to him.

I become so excited that I actually had a contact that I continued in my innocent child like way to begin to throw questions at him as I now knew he did communicate and was interested in my welfare and so it went as I could not restrain myself, I started to ask the questions which had always confounded me at their very thought.

These were the questions I had asked and I now knew I was able to ask and receive an answer.

2.  “Is it possible or could it be possible to become or have been NOTHING.  Never having existed or never to exist in the future?”

3.  “How did existence start?  What was the beginning?  Who started it all?”

4.  “How can you be aware of all things everywhere at the same time?”

5.  “How can you love everyone, every creature and all life despite some who seem evil?”

6.  “What is the end destination after all is said and done?  What are we to become?  What will life be like at the end of the completed journey?”

© A Book Of Dreams LLC.

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